you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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