He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize