If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
