I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
