oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
