I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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