Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
