just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you will always have a special place in my vag
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
dude. I can hear the air.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize