I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize