this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
