How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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