why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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