cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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