I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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