i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
