sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
