i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
