Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
