Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
