Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
