Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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