Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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