I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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