I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
