we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
