Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
