i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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