went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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