I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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