I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
nutella sex= disaster
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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