Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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