I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
