Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
