the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
