She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
