I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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