My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
