I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
