You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
