my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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