Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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