first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
