So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
