my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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