Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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