Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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