omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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