I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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