it wasn't lemon gatorade
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
