Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
