The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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