i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize