Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
