well you can't waste a boner
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
