shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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