she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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