guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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