He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
