Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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