you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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