i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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