I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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