Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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