The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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