id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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