people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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