were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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