We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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