Duck Duck Cougar?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
